I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
