i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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