I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
