my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
