I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
