4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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