id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize