this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
