I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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