just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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