Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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