Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
