Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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