He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
