it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize