when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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