My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
