dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
