Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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