I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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