Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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