The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
