Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
