and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
