Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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