i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
