im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
