I wannas sexs uuuuu
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
