I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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