I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
