Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
