just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
