p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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