The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
