he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
