you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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