We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
