Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
