Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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