So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
