Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
