did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We're too hungover to prance.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
