i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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