I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
