i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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