dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I checked into jail on foursquare
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
