Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
