next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
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