well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
