You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
