I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
