he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
