you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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