And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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