have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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