I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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