either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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