The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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