I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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