He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
