Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize