At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
