1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
