dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
