so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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