i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize