where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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