The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
