Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
