woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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