i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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