If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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