90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize