I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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