Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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