Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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