Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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