i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
