Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
