Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need to sanitize my soul.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
