Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
