Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
