just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
two words...techno handjob
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
