I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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